you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
