I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
