Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
