Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
