i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize