I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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