My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
