hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
