the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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