i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
