I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize