I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
