guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
