I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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