My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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