How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize