Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
