we made out on top of his cat.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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