life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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