Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
