yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
