I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
