listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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