I can text with my tongue
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
