I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
