Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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