They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
