he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
