What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
