You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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