I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
