She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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