you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
