ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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