Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
