So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
