he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
