apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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