she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
