i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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