is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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