I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize