this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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