dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
