So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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