yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
