hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
