I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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