You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I pour the whiskey from now on
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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