It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
