OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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