When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
