I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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