508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
