True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
