I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
