I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize