well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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