did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
