I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
