worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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