found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
