It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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