I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
