Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
