Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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