this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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