he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
