she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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