I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
