your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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