Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
