Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
