I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I did not marry a roomba.
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