We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
