WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
