mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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