Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
