I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
